I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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