on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
