you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
These tits shall not be calmed
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
