member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
