I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
