her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
