2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
