Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ketchup is God's man juice
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
