I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
