Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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