Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
