I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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