there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
