I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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