it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
