i'm signing you up for texting rehab
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
