I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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