Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
