I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
