I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
