True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize