i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
