ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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