Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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