i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
be right there i have to get my cape
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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