Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
