i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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