yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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