areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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