listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize