The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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