I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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