im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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