found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
