Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
