i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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