just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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