i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
