I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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