there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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