I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
