just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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