quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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