The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
