FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
