I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
