How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
