i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize