Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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