i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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