i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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