you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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