He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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