Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
