Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
