Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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