Please, let me fuck your mom
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
