i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
