can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize