dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
