I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
