Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
