The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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