Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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