Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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