I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
