I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
