I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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